{*church bells ring in background*}
In today's music news: the ever controversial Tupac Shakur has
just released another album under the alias Makaveli.
Music insiders are running wild trying to rearrange other artist
street dates, in fear of a wipeout in retail interchart movement.
Although no one knows the exact cause of the new album;
resources tell me a number of less fortunate rappers
have joined together in conspiracy to assassinate the character
of not only Mr. Shakur, but of Death Row Records as well.
Nas, the alleged ring leader of it, is furious at Tupac
excuse me Makaveli's verbal assault
on Mobb Sleep, Notorius P.I.G., and several other New York rappers
Jay-Z, from "Hawaiian Sophie" fame, Big Little whatever
and several other corny sounding motherfuckers
are understandably shaken up by this release.
The question everbody wants to know is --
why'd they get this nigga started?
Tupac, rather Makaveli, was not available for comment
but released this statement:

[Makaveli]
It's not about East or West
It's about niggaz and bitches, power and money,
riders and punks. Which side are you on?

{*gun cocked, six shots, bullets hit ground*}
These niggaz is still fuckin talkin?
You niggaz still breathin? Fuckin roaches, aight
Aight, it's the Raid for your cockroaches

(All day, everyday)
It's the raid for you punk motherfuckers
(The pump in yo' ass)
This is it nigga! Killuminati style
(Outlaw lifestyle)
Makaveli the Don, solo shit - bring it!

[Makaveli]
Allow me to introduce first {*gunshot fires*} Makaveli the Don
Hysterical, spiritual lyrics like the holy Qu'Ran
Niggaz get shook like 5-0
My forty-five gun